When Love Is Not Enough for a Healthy Relationship

When Your Love Is Not Enough

Polina MW Family & Relationships Leave a Comment

Does love really conquer all?

Sometimes we enter the relationship being too optimistic about it, because we are in love and we believe that two loving people will surely work out all the problems. While it is true to some extent, there are also some scenarios, when your love and your ability to give it all will not be enough to make the relationship happy.

Every relationship needs effort from both sides, but many times partners are willing to invest different amount and different kind of effort. When your partner doesn’t meet you in the middle, you may feel sorry for the investment you have already made and may be tempted to keep walking towards them. That’s when you may start saying to yourself “I will do this, because I love him, because our love is worth it”. You start to justify your sacrifice.

While it can be the case that your partner will meet you at that extra step, the chance of it happening is quite low. So how do you know when to stop? Here are the 4 common scenarios, where love is not enough to make it work.

1. He doesn’t make you feel loved

Your relationship can be smooth on the surface, but you may feel that he doesn’t get you. You often find that you need to put extra effort to get basic things, like his attention or care. He doesn’t share your interests and has a different point of view on topics that are important for you. So, you constantly try to find something in common, or make the effort to understand their interests, but end up feeling unhappy and somewhat lonely. If you want to be on the same wave with your partner, if you want to feel truly connected, your love alone will not be enough to make it happen.

2. He doesn’t respect you

Everyone heard the saying that love without respect is impossible. But what we all know theoretically, in practice is not so apparent. When your partner treats you badly, or abuses you verbally, you may feel like forgiving him because you love him. You explain his anger or abuse with his short temper or bad mood. It is your subconscious choice to believe that he still loves you, so you make that extra step and forgive almost without any effort from him. But this love is not enough to make him stop the abuse. That’s why it keeps repeating itself.

3. He doesn’t contribute

He may say that he loves you very much, treat you well and never openly disrespect you. But if he doesn’t care to discuss your relationship, listen to your concerns, talk through your problems and find compromise in your conflicts – you will keep running after him and never feel that your relationship is important for him. No matter how powerful is your love, you can’t be the only one caring about your partnership for it to survive.

4. He doesn’t keep his word

You spend your time explaining what is important to you in the relationship and ask him to do something. He listens carefully and nods, and tells you that he understands. He promises to do what you ask him. But he never does. You repeat the same conversation, it goes the same way and the result is the same – he promises, but nothing happens. So you slowly learn that his word can not be trusted and that you can’t rely on him. You keep choosing to make an extra step, keep giving him another chance and waste your time waiting for him to act on his word.

When Love Is Not Enough

What to do?

So what do you do, if you found yourself in one of these scenarios? The answer is: stop it. Stop making that extra step and giving your love in advance, with the hopes of good returns in the future. It doesn’t work like that. Stop exactly in the middle and don’t move. Watch what he is going to do. If he doesn’t make a step towards you – there is no point in the relationship, it will collapse eventually. If he does – you have a chance to make it balanced and happy, as long as you stop at the end of your way.

I hope you found this post interesting and helpful. Do you believe that love conquers all? Let me know in the comments below!

 

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