You heard it many times – you can’t love anyone until you love yourself. But it is also true that it is very difficult to love someone, who doesn’t love themselves.
Loving yourself is an all-encompassing term. It means knowing, accepting and valuing yourself. A woman suffering from a low self esteem is the one who doesn’t know, accept and value herself enough.
Having this in mind, let’s see what you can get yourself into, if your levels of self-love are quite low:
A man who doesn’t know how to make you happy, because you don’t know it yourself. It’s very frustrating for a man to be unable to do something nice for you. He will be trying to figure out what makes you happy at first, but will get tired of it eventually if nothing works.
A man who always does everything wrong, because you don’t know what’s right for you, or you are afraid to say it and make your man uncomfortable. You will always be unhappy with the way he does things, and he will never have the joy of getting your gratitude and appreciation.
A man who doesn’t have your interests in mind and doesn’t make you a priority in his life, because you never feel like you deserve this and can’t express it in the right way. He will be comfortable, but you will suffer and your self-esteem will get even more damaged.
A man who doesn’t commit, because you don’t know what you want, your worth, and are afraid that he will leave once you admit what you want from the relationship. It makes it easy for men to use your fear and uncertainty to their own benefit.
Another few years wasted on trying to pretend that you are flexible and can accommodate someone who gives you nothing of what you really need.
And that’s just a short and brief list of scenarios, not mentioning seriously abusive relationships you can end up with.
That’s why it can be good to have a break from relationships until you heal your low self-esteem. Even though our desire might be to quickly find another man to forget the one who mistreated us, it might lead us back to the same problem. We need to get to know ourselves and learn to love ourselves first.
We tend to think that a new man will be the solution, that he will help us to love ourselves more, that he will give us value that we miss otherwise.
To be fair, it’s not completely wrong. A new man who treats you right and adores you will give a short-term boost to your self-esteem. But it will not last long and will not heal you completely, because relationships do not exist for validating anyone.
Relationships are an exchange and a lot of work, and only strong healthy people have energy to create a happy relationship. Your partner will eventually get tired of boosting your ego, while your ego will demand even more validation than at the start of the relationship.
Better take some time off and build a healthy relationship with yourself first. Once you know, accept, love and respect yourself enough, you will be ready to build a fulfilling relationship with a partner.