I wish I could say there is a fast and easy way to let go of a relationship that hurts, but there isn’t.
This post is for you if you are in a relationship that makes you very unhappy, but you still can’t let go of it. Maybe in the back of your mind you know that it hurts far too much, that it leads to nowhere, that it will not improve with time, but will only get worse, and yet you find yourself next to that person day after day, unable to quit and move on.
I know that you have an explanation for this. Perhaps, you have nowhere else to go, you don’t want to be alone,you are financially dependant, you promised that person to be together for better and for worse, you want your kids growing up in a full family, or maybe you are afraid that you will never get a better relationship.
Whatever is your reason, there is going to be a day when you realize that this reason doesn’t make any sense while this relationship hurts you, and you will want to move.
Here is how to build strength and courage until this day comes.
Analyze what holds you back
I know that it is difficult to think straight when you are in pain and confused, but you need to start watching and analyzing your relationship, to understand what exactly holds you next to the person, who makes you unhappy. This is an essential first step needed to understand where you can start working on to improve your quality of life.
Try to understand whether or not deep inside you believe that it is fine and normal to be in this kind of relationship. Would you advise your sister or best friend to stay in this relationship?
Get financially secure
Maybe you don’t like to admit that you are staying in the relationship only because you have no other means of supporting yourself. But the reality is that many women are in the same situation and there is a way out of it – start looking for the ways to build your personal income. Even if you are a mother of young children, there are many opportunities now to work at home through internet.
Look around for opportunities and start building your independent financial future today. Even if you don’t get the income of your dreams straight away, you will have a chance to grow it steadily, which will also give you a great psychological comfort.
Get help from outside
Relationships are such a huge and important part of our lives, that when it crumbles, we might feel that the world collapsed, that we failed in everything, and nothing else in our lives is significant anymore. If you feel this way, try not to shut yourself from the outside world.
When you are in the relationship that hurts, you need support from others. It could be just spending some time with your friends, talking to a therapist, or just getting a nanny or neighbor to watch over children, so you could get some rest and clarity on your life.
Build your life
Once again, since love is such an important area of our lives, it can easily become the only thing you think and care about. When this area becomes too painful, you need to remind yourself that there are also other parts to your life – you had hobbies and interests long before this relationship started, so it can be a good idea to remember them and start building this part of your life again.
Compromise on walking away
Not many people can cut off the relationship all at once, and the idea of doing this is quite scary for women even when the partner is being abusive. To avoid this, consider a compromise – tell to yourself (and to your partner if you finally decide to make this move) that you need to try living apart for some time, to understand if you want to keep this relationship.
This way you will not cut it completely, but you will have the needed space to see how your life can work out without this painful partnership.
Surround yourself with people who have good relationships
When love turns into disappointment, when the relationship falls apart, we might tell ourselves that this is a normal way of life. On one hand it might be true, but this belief is very dangerous to have. To move on and build a better life, you need to believe that better relationships are possible. To keep reminding yourself of this, try to be surrounded by people who already built happy relationships.
If you don’t have close friends who are happy couples, you can find many positive bloggers, who will inspire you with their relationships and will make you believe that if they managed to build their happy love life, then you can do it too!
Did you walk out of the unhappy relationship yourself? How did you do it and what helped you? Do you have any regrets? Share your story in the comments below.